Two things came to an end in the past week: my blogs about homosexuality, and Jerry Falwell's controversial life. The timing is intriguing, of course, because Falwell devoted much of his life to opposing homosexuality. There are probably only two responses to the news of his passing. One is to salute a 'brave Chrsitian soldier' who fought the good fight in the culture wars. The other is to laugh, high five, and craft jokes about some of Falwell's more outrageous comments. I think subtle thinking leads us beyond these responses. In that vein, guest blogger John Foote asks this question: "How do we reflect on and remember a Godly Christian man whose life was so characterized by standing for values that not only virulently oppose my worldview, but which I believe also grieve the heart of God?" He gives the beginnings of an answer with the thoughts below. Enjoy!
Last night, shortly before I woke up, I had a dream about Dr. Futrell, a pastor from my home church in Dayton. I’m quite confident the dream wasn’t actually about him, but rather that he symbolized someone else (and something else) entirely. I saw Dr. Futrell as he was walking out of a church building that I was entering. Normally, when I’m home visiting my parents, Dr. Futrell is thrilled to see me – always interested in my family, my studies, my work prospects, and generally enthusiastic about the future of my life. When I called his name in my dream, however, he didn’t stop, but looked over his shoulder at me while walking away. He was weeping. He didn’t have much to say as he departed, except between his sobs, “my sin . . . my sin.” It became immediately evident to me that Dr. Futrell had been caught in very grave and deeply embedded sexual sin. I wasn’t sure precisely what – perhaps a pornographic addiction, or marital infidelity – but what was immensely clear to me was what he was feeling. He had such a deep remorse and regret for the sin that he had cherished and hidden for so long. I thought, during my dream, about that terrible feeling that comes from the unrelenting conviction of God, from realizing that God is intent on exposing your sin and there isn’t anything you can do to hide it any longer. I felt a portion of the great sadness that enveloped Dr. Futrell as the realization of the consequences of his sin hit me. He would lose his position of stature in the church. He would almost certainly have to leave the congregation and find a new spiritual home. I felt that his wife wouldn’t be leaving him, but I also felt that she was agonized and devastated beyond anything she’d ever known. The pain and fear I felt in this dream was enough to cause me to awaken suddenly. I had no suspicions that it might be prophetic, in fact, I was quite immediately assured it had nothing to do with Dr. Futrell, but everything to do with me. I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit that I must be relentless in confessing every hidden sin of my life, lest it grow into an independently living creature over which I could no longer exert authority. I lay in bed immediately confessing my sin and telling my Father in heaven that I wanted at all costs to avoid the type of heartbreak that I had just so intimately observed.
Dr. Jerry Falwell died this morning, about 3 hours after I woke up. I did not know him personally, but in the words of Billy Graham, “his accomplishments went beyond most clergy of his generation.” As a consequence of his great prominence in the public eye, I was frequently reminded of his opinions about almost every morally and politically sensitive issue of our day, and the extent to which he believed and hoped that his opinion was reflective of the majority of evangelical Christians in the United States. Dr. Falwell was an opponent of all things immoral and he seldom vague or ambiguous about his convictions. He lived a life of relative moral strength, avoiding the moral entrapments which befell some of his contemporaries in the 1980s. He opposed homosexuality, abortion, homosexuals, feminists, feminism, the Equal Rights Amendment, pornography, gambling, rock & roll, President Clinton, Teletubbies, and he opposed them vigorously. He opposed these things so much that his opposition to them became virtually synonymous with his name. These causes, and the people who engaged in them, were his enemies, and against his enemies he crusaded. In his obituary on MSNBC.com, the only mention of "love" was an early-life account that he had a burning passion to serve Christ, and that he had great affection for the students who attended the fundamentalist college he founded.
When I think of the most fundamental character of a life with Jesus, I think of love. Specifically, I think of loving God and loving one’s enemies, of loving one’s neighbor as oneself, regardless of whom that neighbor may be. I can’t think of many men or women of faith whose lives have been more characterized by opposing their enemies (while certainly loving their friends) than the late Dr. Falwell. This troubles me greatly. I wonder what Dr. Falwell experienced this morning around 10:45am as he passed from one realm of life to another. I can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t like the remorse Dr. Futrell felt in my dream. An utterly tragic and devastated brokenness overflowing with remorse and the terror that what has been hidden will remain hidden no more. To quote Billy Graham again, I too believe that Dr. Falwell was “a man of God”, and am confident that he sought to serve God faithfully during his life, and that he is one whom God had chosen as his own. Without speculating about that which is not fruitful, my heart is merely broken on behalf of a brother in Christ who sought to love God and missed some of the most key values of the kingdom. How the Father longed to fill Jerry’s heart with love for his enemies . . . with a love that would rescue them from their darkness rather than confine them to it! How he longs to purge our hearts as well, for us to confess our sin and be rescued sooner rather than later.
